There was uproar in Bath today as Northgate announced that their Number One was going to regenerate into a woman during their anniversary crawl.
“Jerome has been fantastic in this position for the last few years,” said Squire Martin, “but times change, and so must we.”
The role will be picked up by Jodie Whittaker, the much acclaimed dancer who played the sword-dancing mother-of-a-murdered-child in ITV’s Broadchurch. Jodie said, “Anyone who doesn’t understand why we’re doing this should pay more attention. We need to bring Northgate into a new era by piggybacking on a massively controversial announcement by the BBC, thus gaining ourselves loads of free publicity.”
Squire Martin added, “Indeed.”
Several whining manbabies on the internet have complained about the move, some saying it’s political correctness gone mad, but most of them upset because they’ll miss Jerome’s trademark hipster beard. We understand their concern, and Jodie has therefore promised to wear a fake beard for her first few performances.
She went on to say, “Actually, I’ve just seen a video of that forward tumble thing… I’m not so sure about this now.”
This is all a clever and convincing work of fiction backed by super high tech CGI. A lie, if you will. Nevertheless, you can still come along an join practice with the unregenerated Jerome tonight at 19:30 in the splendid Curfew in Bath.