Referendum special: will Northgate Remain or Leave?

Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

In a move that has stunned markets around the world, Northgate have announced that the are to decide whether to remain using their current practice venue, or leave and find another.

The “Nexit” decision has been forced upon them by the new management of the heretofore beloved Curfew (the CU) who have raised the weekly rent by THIRTY POUNDS to a new price of thirty pounds.

Ioan Farage (Northgate Independence Party, NGIP) said, “If we don’t pay £30 a week to the CU, we could spend it on healthcare. We won’t, obvs, but we could. And I’ll write that on a bus so you can hold me to it later.”

Ioan was supported by Boris Hanley (Conservatory Party) who added, “Yes, and we wouldn’t have the CU’s other customers coming into our practice room without proper checks. Although we’ll still welcome anyone anyway.”

The Remain campaign is being championed by no one. Nobody at all went on record as saying, “The CU has treated us well over the years, and for a mere £30 a week we could have access to as much beer as we could buy. Like before, but with a weekly fee. That sounds pretty fair. And we’d probably get a rebate or something.”

The decision will go to a referendum in the coming weeks, once a new place that wants us has been found. “Mad” Jack McSavage, our unbalanced bagman, has decided to engage in negotiations directly with the CU in the hope of heading off the oncoming storm. However, since making that decision he has spent all his time picking up litter at Glastonbury festival, so little progress has been made.

The upshot of this is that we will be practising this Tuesday, but have literally no idea where. Best wait for a week or two for things to settle down. If you’re very keen, ask us on Facebook and we’ll let you know where we’ll be.

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